


touch

by thepilotanon



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Can Be Considered x Reader, F/M, Fluff, Not Canon Compliant, OFC Has No Physical Description/Coloring, OFC Has a Scar, Oneshot, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post Prelude Fic, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reader Is Given a Role To Play, Scars, Suggestive Themes at the End, mention of slavery/abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27689183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepilotanon/pseuds/thepilotanon
Summary: Kylo Ren was a failure, and he had a scar to prove his worthlessness.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	touch

“You can’t hide from her forever, Commander Ren.”

Shooting a glare to the silver-armored captain, Kylo Ren was so tempted to choke Phasma before she spoke up again in the confines of the “hiding place” she found him in - an empty, unused control room. “Sooner or later, she will start to worry, and even I don’t need to have your abilities to know that you don’t want that to happen.” Keeping her gaze forward and in a ready stance, she made no move to leave his side just yet. “And, if I may be rather blunt with you…you look like _shit_ , and can probably use her company.”

Leather gloves squeezing the metal chair he was sitting in, Kylo stared in disgust at his reflection from a metal plate on the wall. His black hair stringy from sweat, melted snow; skin damp from stress and dark shadows underneath his eyes, Kylo Ren no doubt did look like shit. It certainly didn’t help with the black bacta strips sticking down his face and into the collar of his cowl. Still kicking in the pain medication from the stitching he had finished hours prior, fighting in a airship and nearly destroyed an unwanted lifeforce he felt in his TIE Silencer, Kylo still felt the burn of the blue lightsaber’s mark on his flesh. The stench of his own burning flesh still haunting his nose and the words of his Master ringing in his ears, Kylo could barely recognize himself inside and out…

Kylo Ren was a **_failure_**.

“I won’t be held responsible of keeping her out of your way either, Commander,” Phasma added in casually. “Knowing how she is, she can slip through anyone’s grasp or make a bloody mess in a supply closet somewhere…”

It had been a good week since the last time Kylo saw his secret wife, Nova, First Order’s official trainer for personalized stormtroopers and Knights of Ren, as well as Supreme Leader Snoke’s praetorian guards at times. He knew she was informed of his return to the Supremacy, hearing he survived the destruction of Starkiller and the fight he dealt with from the scavenger girl who currently holds Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber. Any of those listed were not the bit of his worry, knowing that she wasn’t aware of the specifics of his day-to-day goals unless he were to contact her more regularly - but alas, he had been busy. No, Kylo was more worried about other matters.

Grabbing his cowl from the counter, Kylo stood from the chair. Keeping his back to Phasma, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Bring her to our quarters, Phasma. Don’t let anyone see her.”

“Of course,” Phasma nodded once before leaving the room, leaving Kylo to himself.

* * *

Nova followed closely to Phasma’s strong march, her legs moving a bit quicker to keep up with the captain’s long strides as she bounced to get the other’s attention. “How was the evacuation? Was it crowded in the ships at all? What was the weather like on the Starkiller base, Phasma? Phasma? _Phasma_! What was the planet like?”

“You are quite curious for one who is in the middle of a war, Nova,” Phasma sighed in her helmet, not sparing a glance as she took a sharp turn to the hallway leading to the private quarters of Commander Ren. “Certainly you have other important things to worry about.”

“Not when I’m stuck here,” Nova shook her head, reaching to hold on to Phasma’s unique cape to inspect it, pulling off a random scrap of metal. “Doesn’t feel like I’m in the middle of _anything_ when nothing happens here…”

“You should be grateful,” Captain Phasma suggested in a mute tone, allowing the weaponry master to pluck off more scraps off her uniform as they approached the locked doors. “The Supreme Leader sees you as _indispensable_ to keep you from fighting and the possibility of being killed. You’re _safer_ here.”

“I’m bored here, worrying about my friend and husband,” Nova muttered lowly, bumping her forehead against Phasma’s armored back as she came to a halt. Rubbing her head as she looked up to the tall woman, she smiled innocently to Phasma’s visors. “I hope someday that I can actually join you two and be more useful to you than just mentoring others.”

The captain kept a silent gaze at her for one moment before raising a hand to rest on top of the woman’s head, a very unusual gesture from the otherwise emotionless woman. “You mean a lot to us all, more than you realize, Nova. Appreciate that you don’t have to deal with what I have to.”

At that, Phasma turned her heel and marched back where she came, leaving Nova to watch her agile-like sneak out from being seen escorting her to her private quarters. As much as Nova didn’t mind keeping her marriage a secret from everyone, including Supreme Leader Snoke, she did wish that there weren’t extra precaution put in place formed by her husband and friend…

Inputting the pin to enter the chamber, Nova noticed the familiar shadow not too far inside. A bright smile spreading on her lips, Nova waited until the doors hissed closed behind her before speaking with such joy. “ _Kylo_!”

Running to his back and tackling him into an embrace, Nova buried her face into his clothed back. He smelled like his usual musky scent, a hint of burning wood and something that she could only describe as Kylo’s smell; he also carried new scents, too, from Starkiller, she guessed. It was cold and smelled wet, in a way she couldn’t really describe, but she melted into the radiating warmth he gave off. She also picked up the familiar hint of the throne room on him, making her also assume that he had spoken to Snoke before coming home to her. Nova was sure that he was stressed from seeing his Master after such a long mission.

Closing her eyes and grasping the front of his uniform, Nova sighed in relief as she nuzzled between his shoulder blades. “I’m so happy you’re home, husband. I’ve missed you so much, I thought I was going to go mad from being away from you for so long.”

He didn’t respond like he normally would, instead lifted his shaking, gloved hands to rest atop of her knuckles. His thumbs brushing her skin delicately, he hummed lowly at feeling her head shift behind him.

“Kylo?” Nova peeped curiously, trying to look over his shoulder to see his face. When he turned the other way, Nova frowned and carefully withdrew her hands. “Kylo? Why won’t you look at me? Didn’t you miss me at all?”

“I did,” Kylo said. “ _Very much_.”

“Then, why won’t you look at me? What if I cut all my hair off or got a _robotic leg_ you didn’t know about while you were gone?” Nova asked with narrowed brows, seeing his shoulders jump a bit to resist his chuckle. “Not that I _did_ , but… Kylo, let me see my husband.”

“You can’t.”

“Why?”

Taking a deep breath, Kylo chewed the inside of his cheek. “During my mission,” he began, “I obtained an injury from the scavenger girl I told you about from our last discussion through the holopad. I fought against her and got injured.”

“The one the defected stormtrooper left with?” Nova watched his head nod once, making her blink. “Well, that can happen in battle, Kylo, even I know that!”

“It’s not like that, love… I don’t look the same anymore,” he ground out bitterly, hating himself for losing his stoic tone so easily in her presence. “I don’t want you to see me like this. I look too different, and…”

He didn’t move when Nova scurried around him - _he couldn’t_. He knew he would have to show his wife what happened to him eventually, as much as it would hurt him to see her react.

Shutting his eyes as soon as hers looked up to his face, Kylo bit his bottom lip and waited…

Feeling her soft hands touch his chin and began to lightly skim along his jaw, forcing him to crack his eyes open as she tilt her head with simple curiosity. Her fingers hovered over the black strips for a moment before she poked his nose, a little smile quirked on her lips.

“My husband still has his nose that I love to kiss,” Nova announced. Her palms pressed against the fat of his cheeks and her fingers slipped into his hair to touch his hidden ears. “And the big ears I love to whisper into. Your eyes are still there, and I can still see my reflection in them; strong jaw, beauty marks and your hair…even though it’s a bit messy right now, that’s okay. You look just fine to me!”

“Stop it,” Kylo tried with furrowed brows.

Getting to her toes, Nova stared deep into his eyes. He knew what she was doing at that moment, feeling the rare caress in the back of his skull. “Whatever Snoke has said to you, I think he needs to look in the mirror and rethink how he describes people when he looks like a hairless rodent.”

“ _Nova_ ,” he warned.

“Other than that, you don’t look that much different to me, Kylo,” Nova shrugged, pressing a light kiss to his tense jaw. “Still just as strong and handsome as usual.”

Kylo resisted in rolling his eyes as he shook his head at her. “Stop trying to make this better. It’s pointless in what Snoke has said - I’ve _failed_ , and I have the scar to prove it.”

Nova frowned, going to her regular height as something changed - her eyes gave off an unusual look he wasn’t used to receiving from her, a look she would normally give to someone she was giving lessons to. Within a second, Nova shoved him back, falling to the edge of the bed before she climbed into his lap, her hands starting to undo the buttons on her uniform top. When Kylo attempted to stop her by placing his hands on her hips to still her, Nova grabbed his wrists and pushed them away before continuing. Huffing, Kylo tried to stop her again and was met with the same result.

“Wife, I’m not in the mood to -” Kylo tried to tell her, only for her hand to cover his mouth as she pressed a light kiss under his eye.

“No,” she told him in response, taking off her jacket and remaining in her bottoms and her bra. Kylo didn’t resist to stare longingly at the revealed flesh of his wife, how the dimmed lights of their room seemed to give her a heavenly glow that he adored.

Taking his hands, Nova wrapped them behind her bare back and pressed his fingers to her skin. When she placed them exactly where she wanted, she held his hands there firmly. “Feel it?”

Kylo did feel it. The slightly roughened skin that trailed a long, diagonal line across her back; his middle finger slowly dragged along the scar that filled the of it, a habit he had in those moments in the shower when they shared hot water after a long day, or when she wore a backless top and slept on her stomach while he watched her in bed. He nodded, his brows furrowing as she let go to let him touch the scar. “I do…”

“From my first owner, when I failed him in my first spar with a senior slave,” she told him. “He took a knife and had me held down while he cut me. It hurt to move for almost a month, and I still had to train. I was probably three…”

Taking his right hand, Nova then brought it to touch the curved mark on her hipbone. “When I fought against someone who tried to steal from my next owner. He threw me and I fell into a pile of broken parts to the Speeder, wasn’t that much older.”

Kylo’s thumb rubbed beside the mark before she pulled the hand up to under her breast, where a faint, long indent started from under the bra and went all the way to her shoulder blade. “This one…I actually woke up bleeding, but I believed it was from another slave I didn’t get along with trying to give me a slow death. They weren’t that smart, as you can see - it wasn’t deep enough.”

“Love…” Kylo mumbled as he shook his head.

Tilting her head back, she pointed to a discolored blotch hidden in the corner of her jaw and went to under her ear. “Acid punishment from refusing to kill another child,” she said. Adjusting her seat on his lap, spreading her legs a bit and brought his hand to her inner thigh. While she still had her pants on, Kylo knew what she was guiding him to. He had seen it many times over their time together; he had touched it before and kissed it whenever he professed his love to Nova physically. A burn mark in a shape of an X, and Nova pressed her palm on top of his hand to keep it there. Her eyes softening with a slight hesitation before speaking.

“Before you came and took me away…when I was labeled a disgrace to the people on my planet for failing my ‘ _purpose_ ’ to my last owner,” she said softly. “My least favorite one and sometimes I feel ugly every time you touch me there or see it.”

Kylo swallowed at the next words she spoke. “I never told you this, but it was actually the mark to signify my chance of being executed. The females on the planet get marked on their inner thighs and the males got it on the back of their necks. If they were to draw a line all the way down my leg, then I was expected to die.”

Her hands coming to hold his face, Nova made him look at her as she gave him a smile. “If you hadn’t decided to take me, the line would have been placed,” she confessed. “Every time I feel disgusted by the failures of my marks, you remind me that it was worth going through so much pain…because I went through all that and ended up falling in love with _you_ , Kylo.”

Her finger touched the edge of his patch, a tingling sensation came from the touch but it wasn’t painful to him. “For so long I felt as a failure with no future, and the scars reminded me of that. When you touch me and tell me praises, when you kiss my marks and look at me the way you do…you make me feel so _happy_ because I feel like I survived and can finally feel happy.

“This mark right here,” she said softly, brushing a falling tear from his eye before it could touch the strips, “only tells me that you _fought hard_ and came out strong. You _survived_ and came back to _me_. My husband was strong enough to survive a fight so I can see him look at me and let me love him. Snoke knows _nothing_ of your true power, Kylo, and you need to see it too.”

Kylo took a deep breath, looking down to the scars on his wife’s torso. He knew she had other ones from the past, forgotten stories that were erased from time and his touch, and he had the same. Cuts and tiny scars decorated both of their skins, and many of them are never seen by anyone else but each other in the seclusion of their chambers. Nova’s ability to close off even the strong Snoke from looking into their sanctuary to reveal their flaws and still have an attraction to each other. The feelings they share that just seemed so right with the Force bonding them together so perfectly makes him forget everything his Master throws at him. Nova makes him forget everything wrong, makes him feel important…

Kissing the corner of his lips, Nova spoke against his skin in a loving tone. “My strong, handsome husband, with his beautiful scars,” she whispered. Peppering kisses closer to the bacta patches, her fingers went to his thick hair as she massaged his sore scalp. “My husband coming back to me and making me feel important for the first time in my life. _I love you, Kylo_.”

Unable to hold back any more, Kylo lifted his chin to seal her lips with his in a passionate embrace, his gloved hands slipping up her back and drawing her closer and pressing their hips together. His tears fell on either of them as he brought her onto their bed with his body hovering over her; his mouth never leaving her skin as he began working on removing the rest of her clothes and add his own to the pile. He shivered at the skin-to-skin touch as his naked hands finally touched his wife, exhaling in pure amazement at how soft she felt to his touch.

Kylo Ren was not a failure. Even as Snoke continues to call him weak or a child in comparison to the scavenger girl, it would eventually mean nothing to him as soon as he reunited with his wife. To him, her words were final, and not even the strongest being in the galaxy could change that once Kylo hears her voice.

As he whispered his love for her against her skin, kissing each scar he could reach from their current position of making love, Kylo felt himself piecing back together into a stronger warrior then he was before. To him, he can take on his challenges and keep on fighting as Nova waited for his return each time. Kylo Ren can keep going.

Kylo Ren was **not** a failure.


End file.
